The Countdown Is On, by Jasper

There are only 19 days of school left, but who’s counting? Every single teacher, that’s who! The entire student population has thrown themselves completely in the mode of “I don’t give a rat’s ass.” Some of the teachers have joined them. Four teachers are retiring this year. I’m pretty sure they checked-out months ago. Oddly, I’m still loaded with the expectation that the kids will care about PE for the next three weeks, but perhaps I don’t understand the signals of the “screw-it” mode. There are times when my whistle seems broken because the animals don’t respond. After blowing it 5, 6, 7 times, it starts to work. “Line up” apparently means to disperse further on the playground. Screaming it at the top of lungs 15 times is what it took today to get 4th grade to finally realize what it meant. Dumbasses. And then they couldn't shut their mouths while in line. As a result, they baked in the the sun until they could get it right. 15 minutes it took those idiots. Would you believe they started to complain about the heat and the need for water? If only they understood cause and effect...

Ideally, I’ll make it to the end of the school year so I can enjoy my vacation. At the rate I’m going, there are three other possibilities… I could ride in the back of a police car after choking half-a-dozen smart ass kids. I could be taken away to the funny farm in a straight jacket with a whistle glued to my lips. Or, I could be carried away in a body bag after blowing a few gaskets (stroke and/or heart attack). I’m trying to counteract the stresses with some feel good moments. For example, I’m tutoring some 4th graders in Math. The other night, I went to a baseball game to watch the most annoying student I have. The hope was to make a connection with the kid so maybe he’ll appreciate me and not be such a turd. I’m not certain it’s working yet. As I always do, I’ll soldier on and the make the best of the situation. Besides, there are only 19 days left.

That’s enough about school for now… Again, my absence from our blog has exceeded two weeks. With the way work and family life are going, I simply don’t have the time to lock myself in the War Room and type away feverishly for hours on end. In the evening, my free time is spent being a family man, doing chores or playing COD 4 or Guitar Hero III. The only reason I can write anything now is because Sydney put Esmeralda to bed and went outside to trim the hedges… From the sound of it (just outside my War Room window), the tree frogs are going to get her… Once school is out, I’ll have plenty of time to post. Russ and I have already agreed to alternate days. Maybe then I can finally finish the 6 or 7 entries I’ve started.

I seem to be babbling, but I’m sure you don’t mind… Here’s one final thing… I lost my wallet on Saturday. Fortunately I had streamlined it a week earlier, because it was getting to be George Costanza fat. I lost some business cards with important phone numbers, Esmeralda’s i.d. card, my license, insurance cards and two credit cards. I cancelled the credit cards, etc., but I have a nagging feeling that I forgot something. Thankfully there was no cash in it. Between walking to the car to go out to dinner and sitting down at the table in Red Lobster, my wallet vanished. (For you food snobs, I insist that I’m one too! And diner food doesn’t count, crabbydad! It was a friend’s birthday, so it was NOT my choice. The tangent continues… Why in the hell is Red Lobster the only seafood restaurant, aside from Long Dong Silvers, in this Florida town? The freakin’ ocean is merely miles away! Couldn’t someone open up a decent seafood dining establishment?). Yep, my wallet vanished. I retraced my steps to and from the car, and checked the car multiple times. It wasn’t at home or anywhere around the yard. I can’t figure it out. We even drove back up the restaurant later that night to look for it, but no go. Apparently no honest soul has found my wallet and tried to contact me in order to return it.

I have determined that there are six possibilities.
1. The wallet is lost, with no hope to be found. Maybe it fell into a drain, or it fell out of my pocket and was then run over several times and destroyed.
2. The wallet is in my house or car, but hiding, not wanting to be found.
3. Someone found it and chucked it when discovering there was no cash.
4. Someone found it and robbed it of its contents. But, that someone will be enraged and/or annoyed upon realizing that everything has been cancelled or the accounts have been flagged and try to stalk me.
5. Someone saw it, but was too focused on getting the free plate of cheese biscuits at Red Lobster to worry about some obviously lost wallet.
6. Someone found it, intended on contacting me about returning it, but was sidetracked or tragically injured/maimed/killed before being able to do so.

So, what do you think happen to my wallet? For fun, and because it is a fairly new thingamajig to add to blogs, I thought I would try setting-up a poll. Try it out!