Drunk Post, by Russ

I referred to this post some time ago and there appeared to be a demand, however slight, for it. Since today is already turning out to be a) really nice outside, b) hectic, and c) over scheduled. I have to get ready from my trip to visit Jasper, so I will not be posting again until Tuesday.

So without any further ado, and without rereading/editing, here it is:

Mr. B discovers “himself”

I knew this day would come. I just didn’t expect it so soon. Keep in mind that I have not actually witnessed this myself, this is all hearsay from the wife, but apparently my Mr. B has discovered his naughty bits. That fact is not new. He has been grabbing himself for as long as he could grab things. There just didn’t seem to be any, how should I say this, intent before.

Now Mr. B has woken up with “morning wood” before. Hell, he does this on a regular basis. It, without fail, amuses him to no end. He can hold it down with his hand and it always springs back. I don’t usually encourage this, I try to get his diaper on him as soon as I can, but he always gets a few “flicks” in before I can finish swapping out the diaper. No harm done, I figure.

Lately, he had figured out how to get wood on demand. Again, I have not actually witnessed this as it usually happens in the bath (which is one of the parental chores I detest, but that is a whole different post). Evidently, he has discovered that if he lies on his belly and wiggles his hips, he can get a stiffy. Upon developing the stiffy, well the world is his oyster.

This seems to really bother the wife. I’m sure it is just a normal phase that all boys go through, and only gets worse during the teenage years (I know it did for me…), but it that is of no consolation to the wife. She just wants him to play with his toys, and not his “toys”, during the bath.

As it stands, I’m glad that the wife does the bath thing, should he continue to do the self-gratification thing, I’m afraid I’ll have to take over. Nobody wants that, least of all me.