Umm, Honey? by Russ

That was the phrase uttered by the Wife on Sunday morning as she and the kids were playing in the sandbox and I was under the pergola reading the paper. What I can't properly convey to you was her tone and timber of the phrase. It was somewhere between, "hey, that's interesting" and "Sweet Mother of Pearl, that ain't good!" (Feel free to get more creative, we had two kids in ear shot.)

So I head up to the sandbox at a rate of speed that I hope doesn't betray my concern (I was wrong). I ask the Wife what was the matter, and she responds with, "I saw a spider."

So? I see lots of spider. We have some funnel spiders in the yard. Countless little brown spiders. A fair amount of wolf spiders. Heck, I think we even have a baby golden orb spider on the pergola (I doubt it will make it to adulthood, there is a morning dove roosting nearby.)

Well, the Wife goes on to say that it was a black spider with red markings on its belly. (Fuck) What did the red markings look like? Did they look like triangles touching? (Please no) Yes, they did. (Fuck) Ok, where is it? I flung it into the yard. (Brilliant)

After that, I go on to the fearmonger enabler (aka, the internet) and pull down a picture of what I think the offending spider is. The Wife confirms, it was a black widow.

I knew that they lived in this area, one of my old clients was bitten by one. That was one ugly bite, let me assure you. Her whole arm was swollen and reddish/purple. That is not something I want to have to deal with on me, let alone the kids.

I guess this is one of the "benefits" of keeping your yard free of chemicals. You attract all sorts of predatory insects. I could just do without the ones that could hurt my family. I have to keep reminding myself that, a) they are more afraid of us, b) they only want something to eat, and c) we aren't on their menu.