Weekend in Hell, by Russ

I never (alright, I'll hedge my bets and say almost never) look forward to going to Athens.  With the knowledge that they were just coming off illnesses, the Wife would be working all weekend, and she would subsequently be out of town this week, I was a little less enthusiastic than usual.  I steeled myself with the realization that the past couple of visits were not as bad as I was fearing, so I must have been making mountains of mole hills.

Reality has a way kicking you in the shins when you let your guard down.

The first night SIL was there and that helped some, but the out-laws almost immediately assumed the 'rile up the kids' position and didn't stop.

MIL talked, nonstop, the whole weekend.  For some reason, she feel it necessary to narrate what she is doing, what the kids are doing, whatever is on the TV, or whatever pops into her head.  I was trying to be antisocial, without actually being antisocial, you know, reading, and she still felt obligated to tell me all about the catalogue she just received in that day's mail.

On the best of days, I don't care about catalogs (Victoria's Secret catalogue excepted), when it is the kind that has pillows with pithy sayings, not so much.  Oh and she got TWO Southern Livings magazines.  Oh, well, not really two, just two months worth.  Why didn't she get the previous month's earlier?  (Just fucking shoot me already!) On and on and on... And FIL well, he was being nice to her and going to the basement to watch baseball and not bother her.  (Do you think it was to get away from your incessant yammering?!  I do!)

Speaking of FIL...

A herd of cattle make less noise chewing than he does.  It is revolting.  I don't want to hear it, I don't want to see it, and now the kids will be mimicking him.  Grrr.

So I chide the kids for chewing with their mouth open.  Does he pick up on it?  NO!  He keeps on slapping his gums.   Then MIL chimes in with how they saw a 20 something girl in the airport chewing with her mouth open.  And she had a boyfriend!  Why didn't he correct her?  The Wife's eyes bugged and she cocked her head toward her father.  (Suddenly, a low flying plane swooped overhead.)  She never got it.  Nor did he for that matter.

We went out to dinner one night to a sports bar-ish type place.  Plenty of TV's all playing sports, but at dinner time, it was more restaurant than bar.  While there, one of the TV's had a commercial for the Hooter's calendar shoot show that was coming up next.  He felt obligated to announce it to the table.

Now, I'm no prude.  I like the female form as much as the next guy, but announcing it to the table with a)my Wife, b) my daughter, and c) my mother just doesn't rank up there with the most intelligent things I could have done at the moment.  (You could throw in granddaughter too since Miss L was there, and setting a poor example for his grandson to boot.)

When it was time to leave, they wanted to schedule their next visit for three weeks later.  Fuck no.  I don't know if anything was agreed to or not, but it can't be pushed too far out after this weekend.