Dads Who Mock the World

Cooking mishap, by Russ

2011-12-15T08:35:00.000-05:00

Yep, typing one handed and for the reason most people type one handed on the internet. I was preparing dinner yesterday and my left index finger curled when it should have stayed straight. End result, missing a good piece of the pad of my finger.

Fortunately, I guess, my blade was nice and sharp so it was a clean cut. Not that it prevented it from bleeding any less. It only bled for about an hour. (Yes, I probably should have gone to urgent care, but being woosy precluded me from getting behind the wheel of a car.)

I going now, it is taking too long to type this way.

Why, what do we have here! by Russ

2011-12-08T08:18:00.000-05:00

Looky here! Something finally came of wailing and gnashing of teeth. Oddly, I was able to sleep all the way to six am (when I had to get the kids up for school).

Squirrels, really? by Russ

2011-12-07T10:30:00.000-05:00

Five in the damn morning. REALLY? What on this green earth is so damn important that you need to scampering through my attic at that hour? I really must know.

I've shot at you (an managed to hit a couple of your brethren), I've trapped you (and driven you to the next county), and sprayed my whole attic down in squirrel repellent. What in the hell makes my roof so much better than the other 50 houses in my neighborhood? It's not like I'm the only one with oak trees. (Why couldn't the developers have put in pecan trees, at least I could use those nuts.)

Maybe when we have money again, I'll cut down those oaks and put in some maples or other non-nut bearing trees.

I guess, I'll just have to start going to bed even earlier. (I made my sister scratch her head when she called me at 9:30 at night and I told her that I was in bed already.)

Saturday night by Russ

2011-12-06T08:49:00.000-05:00

So as I mentioned, I went to the ACC championship game Saturday night.

One of my old roommates from college called and said that he had an extra ticket and did I want it. But I had to act fast since it belonged to his wife's company and they wanted to ensure that it was used. So I had to make a decision.

If you follow college football, you might have been aware that Clemson had all but wrapped up their division after starting the season 8-0. Had the ticket been offered then, I would have jumped on it. Then they went 1-3 in their next four games (including losing to those damn chickens), with their defense fully exposed and the offense totally out of rhythm.

Short story long, I figured that it was worth it to grab the ticket. Who knows when they will be back and it should be a fun time anyway. That is when my buddy let it slip that the tickets were luxury box tickets. Oh yeah!

One of the big reasons I don't like going to games is crowds (and the traffic that the crowds draw). I don't like people as a rule and I am big on my personal space. While at a stadium, everyone is way too close for my comfort. Now, I would have no one standing in front of me (thus causing me to stand and block the person behind me) and I would be more than an arms length away from anybody around me. Heaven! (The fact the beverages and food were available didn't hurt either.)

I didn't see my buddy and his wife all game. He likes being in the crowd and yelling and screaming his head off. I liked speaking in a conversational voice to others in the box. Being able to follow the Big 12 and Big 10 games on the TV didn't hurt either. So if you looked for me at the game, you didn't see me.

Yep, I could get used to how the other half live. Real used to how they live. Short of winning powerball, I don't see it happening.

I'm not dead! by Russ

2011-12-05T09:33:00.000-05:00

Nope, still here. School and kids have had the better of me these past few weeks though. So much has happened, that I have forgotten most of it.

Mostly, the with the increase in the school work I either had to play with the kids or write here. I figured it was an easy choice. I can't hear you whine or complain about my absenteeism.

So I have been doing my clinical observations (sitting in a classroom and doing my best to not dose off). These entailed, structure of the lessons. Which was actually useful, mostly, and required a modicum of attention. The second set of clinical observations concerned itself about technology in the classroom. I could have done that more efficiently over the phone, or by visiting the teachers in the break room. Instead, I had to sit through eight hours of classes to get said information. I don't think I could have had a bigger waste of time. (I had to have a time sheet signed off to prove I was there, so I couldn't even fib it.)

On the home front, Thursday the Wife and I did our annual Trans Siberian Orchestra concert (got home nearing midnight). Friday, the Wife thought it a great idea to have the neighbor kids over for a slumber party. The kids didn't fall asleep until after 10pm (I had to whip out the 'Daddy voice' at that point), with wake ups at: 0315, 0430, and 0600. We finally 'let' the kids get up at 0700. That night I went to the ACC Championship game and didn't get home until 0100.

I forgot to mention, the $%^&* squirrel is back. It began its scratching about 0730 every morning. Needless to say I am strung out.

More on the ACC Championship Game.

Last Monday, one of my buddies emailed me saying that he had an extra ticket and did I want to go. They were being given to his wife by her employer and he needed a response soon so they could do something with the ticket if need be.

I was a bit torn. I wanted to go. Hell, it was in Charlotte, so I could even sleep in my own bed. He said the ticket was free (big incentive as I have no money). On the negative side of the ledger, Clemson had been playing extremely poorly for the past four or five weeks and had lost three of four games (just barely beating that football powerhouse Wake Forest* by a last minute field goal). My friend is a bit of a Clemson fanatic. I don't want to be near him when Clemson loses. (Me, I get irritated for about an hour after the game and then I let it go. He stays pissed for the better part of the week. Which is an improvement over how it used to be. Let's not get started on losses to S. Car. Not pretty.)

Ultimately, it came down to, 1) I had turned down tickets to see Clemson/FSU (stupid on SO many levels), 2) I had not seen Clemson play all season, and 3) the tickets were free.

I went.

I couldn't have been more happy about my decision. (Other than the outcome!) Which I will go into tomorrow.

*Mr. B calls Wake Forest the 'Wake Up Crew'. Just an amusing aside. Or I think that it is amusing.

In a moment of boredom by Russ

2011-10-14T12:54:00.002-04:00

I couldn't take another episode of Dora, so I did this instead:

Which Fringe Character Are You?

More on Fringe. Created by BuddyTV

Beach Weekend pt2 by Russ

2011-10-12T08:44:00.000-04:00

When we last met, I had just finished dinner and the Wife and I were heading back to the hotel.

As we rounded the stairs to our floor, we heard a yapping dog. I saw the dog earlier in the day (after returning from our impromptu shopping trip) in the valet line (we self park, it's closer and faster), but the hotel is huge the likelihood that the dog would be near us was minimal.

Perhaps I should have bought a lotto ticket.

So that overgrown rat was yapping when we got back. That was well after 9pm. A little after 11:30 I finally called the front desk. I wasn't sure what they could do, but it beat me getting my blood pressure even more elevated. Not sure what time later, but the yapping finally stopped. And, yes, the owner was all lovey dovey with the dog.

The next day we headed out to the beach for our walk. In our path was a man trying to lift up his wife. She wasn't doing much but groaning and flapping various bodily appendages. I asked if he needed some help. He said he did and I inquired as to how I could help. He said that she was in a bad way and needed a stretcher.

Off I go to fetch some help.

The I get to the pool bar and fill the manager in on the details as I understood them while the Wife took a waiter back to the scene of the accident. The manager calls an ambulance. I head back to wait with the Wife.

I find that they are leaving. The waiter and husband were supporting the wife back to her room. I ask what room they are heading too as I can hear the sirens approaching. Then I go back to the bar to let the manager know what happened and where to redirect the medics.

Twenty minutes later, the Wife and I get to start our walk. Wind was the same, so I had my Don King hair again.

Beach Weekend by Russ

2011-10-11T10:07:00.000-04:00

Friday morning the Wife and I drop Miss L off at the parent's house (further confining the week concerning my homework), then we headed off to Hilton Head Island. All along the way, we were checking against each other concerning what we had forgotten. As we figured it, very little. The charger for the camera. Everything else that she forgot, I remembered. Conversely, what I forgot, she remembered.

Or so we thought.

We arrive at our hotel and pull our bags to check in. My bag was missing. You see, the Wife brought down her bag and the kids bags and then loaded the car. I never looked to see if my bag was included in the pile. (No tire marks on the Wife's back.) I never asked if she brought my bag down. I just saw a pile of bags and assumed.

So we start our time on vacation shopping for clothes. Not my idea of a vacation activity. There was a TJ Maxx near the hotel and their selection was poor and pricey (for TJ Maxx) and we head over to Belk hoping for sales.

Well, sales they had! I replaced everything in my suitcase for under $100 (including shoes). Three dollar Izod shirts, $4 Columbia shorts and Haggar pants go a long way to making that number. Now we could begin our vacation.

The beach was, er, breezy. The weather channel had it at 20 mpg with gusts to 25 mph. My hair looked like Don King was my stylist. No amount of combing would get it to lay down. Evidently, salt air is quite the styling product.

Dinner that night was at EAT! by Robert Irvine (Restaurant Impossible on Food Network). The food was quite good and plentiful. Normally, I'm not a huge fan of celebrity restaurants (only other one I had been to was the eponymous "Emeril's"), but I'm not adverse to them. This one had good reviews on some foodie chat sites, so I thought we would give it a try.

Originally, we were just going to do tapas, but the waiter did such a good job selling the entrees that I was talked into the pork chop. I also had the pork sliders which were better than my entree (which was very good). The pork chop in question was ginormous. Easily the size of my daughter's head. (Yes, I finished it.) I took a picture of it, but the fork was not provide adequate scale, I should have used my hand.

Day 2 tomorrow.

Last Week by Russ

2011-10-10T10:44:00.000-04:00

Wow. Last week was an absolute hoot. Loved it!

Let's see. It was by far the busiest week of school for me. It started with having to get satisfy eight hours of teacher observations. Which was all well and good, but I was only assigned my school late the week prior and had contacted my assigned school the same day. I didn't hear back from that school for two days. (i.e. the weekend not much I can do there)

So I send another email letting them know what days I was available. I wait another day. Nothing. I send another email practically begging to get my time in. I get an answer by the end of the day. I accept the given time (not like I have a lot of other choices) and do my observations.

Email waiting for me at home from the professor. The due date for the observations has been extended to the end of the month. Son of a bitch.

On to the homework, I read it an have no clue what she is asking. I hand it over to the Wife (3.96 GPA in Architecture undergrad, and something very similar as a Grad student in Healthcare Architecture, point being, she has a brain in her head. Still not sure why she is with me.) She looks at it and doesn't know what the question(s) is either.

I make shit up and post it. Still waiting to see what the fall out is. It just makes me wonder about it all.

Then the Wife and I headed out for a weekend at the beach sans kids on Friday, thus shortening my time available for my homework. Now I am home with two sick kids. The Wife is having working Mom guilt. And the dog rolled in something that died a long time ago.

The trip to the beach comes tomorrow!

Weekend away, by Russ

2011-10-03T11:05:00.000-04:00

Spent the weekend with the out-laws. As far as visits go, I've had far worse. Not to say this was enjoyable, I've just had far worse.

Friday didn't look too good. Everybody was yelling over each other to be heard. The kids were hyped up like nobody's business. Nala was scared to move. I just wanted to run away.

I sort of split the difference and took Nala for a long walk (no short piers to end the pain). I could hear the noise from the street. Unfortunately it was too cool to stay outside for very long and I was forced to go back in.

On the long drive there, the Wife remembered that Miss L took her blanket out of her travel bag and never put it back. This did not bode well for the weekend. Thankfully, she had not requested it in the car (we usually keep the kids blankets with them, not sure why we didn't this time).

Add to that, the Wife and I got flu shots earlier in the week and either were having a reaction to the shots, or (more likely) we had a cold (still have really, and that did nothing to help the mood), we were not looking forward to the weekend.

Miss L turned out to be a little trooper. She woke the Wife four times in the middle of the night to use the bathroom (she sleeps closer to the door and was bothered first and I had in earplugs), but there were no tears. The second night, she had no issues at all and slept straight through the night. I can't say that Mr. B would have been as good.

Beyond that, it just was the usual complains. MIL talked too much, drank too much, and was a general busybody. FIL ate with his mouth open, ate from the serving spoon and bowl (thankfully after the rest of us had enough), can't speak to his language as the Wife and I disappeared during the uga game, and his usual aloof self when MIL was asking questions of him.

School this week looks to be more demanding than previous weeks, so I may be a bit more disconnected this week.

Enough! by Russ

2011-09-28T08:30:00.000-04:00

Dear Mother Nature,

Enough with the rain already! All the last half of last week and over the weekend. (The weekend was supposed to be "scattered showers", five inches later...) Add to that rain every day this week (so far) and the backyard is a full on swamp now.

The downspouts need to be cleaned out and I can't get to them because you won't let the ground dry out, and I'm not going to climb up two stories on sodden earth. I've got a little thing about pain and not dying.

All of the grass seed has been kept good and moist, at least what hasn't washed away. The rest of the grass is growing like made and I can't cut it because it is too wet.

So again, the kids want to go outside and play (and I want them to do so). Yard is a swamp. Downspouts need to be cleaned. And the lawn needs to be mowed. Please stop raining.

This is what it looked like at the panther's game (at the time this was happening, I had bright sun at my house. Don't worry, the rain came, the rain came.):

Sincerely,
Russ

Death in the Aquarium, by Russ

2011-09-27T08:22:00.000-04:00

Recently we had a one of my longest lived fish finally take the ride on the porcelain express. It was an angel fish that had survived for several years and it was one of Mr. B's favorite fish. He noticed that it was missing very quickly and we were forced to introduce him the concept of death.

Even though he took the news hard, I still took him to the pet store to buy a new angel fish. He was very happy to have it. Unfortunately, he found his new fish "sleeping" at the bottom of the tank.

Now I'm off to the pet store to replace it.

Look Away! by Russ

2011-09-26T07:54:00.000-04:00

Dinner club was this past weekend. (Although I had an incredible brain cramp an neglected to the Clemson game on Saturday. Feeling as poorly as I do this morning, it might have actually been a good thing, but I still missed a chance to see Jasper and family.) We had some visitors to the party, a couple of coworkers of the host (husband). One of the visitors was in the ed dept of UNCC, so I chatted with her for a good portion of the evening. I don't think I made her husband/boyfriend uncomfortable (hard to tell, she had on two rings but he didn't have a wedding band on), but he sure didn't leave her side.

But I'm not talking about that. No, one of the other visitors had a six month old and was still breast feeding. (You know where this is heading, don't you!) Sure enough, she whips out the boob and starts feeding the kid. If she had a defense, she was in the corner and not actively involved in conversation. Still, you were in the room and didn't take the feeding to a private room.

The thing is, how do you not notice it? It's not every day that someone reaches into her shirt an pops a boob out. Just the simple act of moving in someone peripheral vision will cause them to look.

All I could do was reengage others in conversation. One of the other regulars (a dad) noticed as well and we shared a WTF moment and shrugged it off as best we could.

What I want to know is, ladies, what goes though your head to make it okay to take out your breast and start feeding a child at a party? If you're going to play the, "It's natural" card, well, so it taking a wiz. So is sex. You don't do that out in the open at parties. (Well, it depends on the party with the latter. Not that I have been to any of those kind of parties.)

Weeping on the inside by Russ

2011-09-21T08:29:00.000-04:00

On one of the Wife's many plane rides she noticed that the lead article in the US Air magazine was about Madrid Spain. Since Madrid is on our short list of places to see, she nicked the magazine. (Not that we will get there anytime soon, but we can dream.)

I read the article (and the next one about the Blue Ridge Pkwy in western NC, which we are far more likely to see in the near term). Since I had already finished my homework for the week and Miss L was still sleeping, I continued reading. I got to the end and looked at all the concourse layouts for the different airports, what movies were being shown on the longer flights, and what is playing on the 'radio stations'.

It's that last one that got me. Most of it was crap I have never heard of, mostly alternative, new age, and techno. The classical music (spelled classique, because that makes it sound more uppity) had some stuff I would listen to, the jazz station looked good, the premium blend was all over the place (top 40, 80's, country, etc). But then came the 'oldies' station.

Oldies. That's like do wop and other 50's type music. The popular music that my dad listened to when he was young, now it's NPR or classical (or classique). Nope, this one was "Born to Run" by Springsteen, "Livin' on a Prayer" Bon Jovi, "Satisfaction" Rolling Stones, "Let's Dance" David Bowie, "Shiny Happy People" R.E.M., and the list goes on. Now, not all of those are songs that I like (particularly R.E.M., I can't stand that whiny ass band), but I'm not old enough for the songs of my youth to be considered 'oldies'.

"Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" is not an oldie. Dear Lord, why?

Around his little finger, by Russ

2011-09-20T08:28:00.000-04:00

Not me, the Wife. Over the weekend, the Wife and boy were playing football outside (American football, as opposed to what the rest of the world calls football, although they are interchangeable for him) when the Wife
'tackled' Mr. B a touch too hard (or so he claims).

Mr. B had no problem running around the house after the 'accident' and jumping around while watching "Wipeout". When it came time for dinner, however, all of a sudden is side hurt. He couldn't get to the table. He had to crawl along the floor like a parched man in the desert toward an oasis.

I'm calling bullshit on him (not quite like that, but close enough), while the Wife is coddling him. Every so often I see a small smirk break through the 'pain', so I know he is bullshitting me. More to the point, the Wife as I wasn't falling for it.

The Wife let him out of eating all of the chili and let him watch more 'Wipeout' after dinner. (Suddenly he could bounce around with no problems anymore...) Sigh.

The Wife just kept saying that she really did get him pretty good and she is sure that she hurt him. I'm sure she did, at the time, but he is pretty resilient and was demonstrating so on the couch.

No it's not snack time by Russ

2011-09-19T08:53:00.000-04:00

I get Mr. B out the door for school. Miss L and I return home from the bus stop and she finishes her banana and eats a bowl of cereal. Miss L looks at me and asks, "Is 'nack time now?" I'm thinking that we might be in for a growth spurt anytime now. (This after several weeks of her eating next to nothing all day.)

This weekend was good. Clemson actually looked good on the national stage. Not the first quarter, they tested my tolerance for pain then. The rest of the game, however, they looked great. Now can they do it again next week against FSU? (and the week after at V Tech?)

Otherwise, the weekend was pretty quiet. The Wife and kids painted a wall in Miss L's room. I did precious little but cook some ribs on Saturday and Chili con Carne on Sunday. Watched lot of football and that was about it. Mostly, I am waiting for my grades to get posted from last week's assignment. (I've always hated waiting for grades, now is no different.)

Horsing around by Russ

2011-09-14T08:56:00.000-04:00

With the Wife out of town again, I take the path of least resistance. (Which probably makes things that much more difficult upon her return.) This usually means dinner and movie with the kids. Last night's fare, chickenless nuggets (accidental, I was shopping at Trader Joe's and didn't pay attention to the label the kids ate them all the same) and the movie was "Tangled".

After the movie we cleaned up the first floor and then headed upstairs for bath/shower time. Somewhere along the way a tickle fight broke out. Which is to say the kids tried to tickle me and I tickled back.

Among all the flailing arms and legs, Miss L headbutted Mr. B right in the mouth. Amazingly, there was no blood (just a drop or two), but Mr. B had a tooth knocked loose. It didn't fall out, but we could have forced the issue had we so desired.

This morning the tooth seems to have reset itself, even if it appears to be a little longer than it was before.

Dog poop by Russ

2011-09-13T08:42:00.000-04:00

Not my own, some other dog. How do I know? Well, there is the size of it for starters. Poor Nala would be in severe pain trying to pass the poop in question. Then there is the location, my front yard. Not that Nala never makes it to the front yard, she is normally leashed when she is. When she hops the fence, she normally heads to the neighbors yards in search of other dogs to torment.

The problem arises because Miss L and I play golf in the front yard while waiting for Mr. B to get home. (She has improved drastically over the short period of time that we have been out there.) Thankfully I haven't stepped in it yet, but I have hit it with a ball or two. (Thankfully, the poop was not fresh.)

Now I'm not going to get all holier than thou and tell you that I pick every last bit of Nala's poop when I walk her. I don't. If she poops on someone's property, I do. If we are near civilization, I might. If we are in the woods, not so much.

I feel like I'm turning into that old guy yelling at kids to get off his lawn. Next thing I know, I'll be sitting on my driveway yelling at animals and people alike to "get off my property!"

Lots o' Sleep by Russ

2011-09-12T08:16:00.000-04:00

Mr. B did not have a good Friday. We had a total meltdown leaving for the bus stop. We're talking Chernobyl type meltdown here. The Wife and I had to literally drag him to the bus stop. (Actually, dragging would have been easier as he was trying to get back home the whole time.)

He was crying and complaining that he wanted to play. Mostly, he just needed more sleep. Not much fun.

So this weekend, he slept. Every morning he slept to 7am (a full hour later than he gets to sleep during the week) and Sunday I think he might have actually napped during his "quiet time". He (and I) needed that.

This morning he didn't want to stop playing and he wanted to breakdown. He was quieted down and we were able to get to the bus stop uneventfully. I'm afraid that this doesn't bode well for the rest of the week.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Russ

2011-09-08T08:22:00.001-04:00

Mr. B enjoys checking out and occasionally harvesting his "different colored carrots". Much to our dismay, we have only had a few "different colors", mostly white. The rest of the carrots were the normal orange. I would like to see the odd purple one just to break things up a little. (The bigger disappointment is that they are only a couple inches long [ladies, insert your jokes here].)

Recently, we went out to check out how things were doing. Many of the plants had their leaves munched down to nothing with only my parsley still having all of its foliage. (Which is odd, since that is normally the first plant to suffer the indignity of defoliation.) With minimal effort, we found the culprit. Which is to say, we looked at the plants.

This is what we saw:

They must have just finished gorging themselves on all the junk food as they are now eating,quite a few, nice green leaves. Now all I have to do is start looking for the chrysalis (chrysalii?) to see the new butterflies! If I only had something to give away, I would do an "Identify the Caterpillar Challenge"

Riding the Bus by Russ

2011-09-07T09:57:00.000-04:00

Mr. B takes the golden chariot to school. I suppose it is a rite of passage to a certain extent, and I knew it would be fraught with challenges. I didn't expect those challenges to rear their ugly heads so quickly though.

Five years of watching my language. Five years of monitoring what they watch. Five years of chastising the in-laws about their language (particularly during football season). All pissed away in one week on the bus.

Admittedly, it was just 'damn', which isn't the worst that he will say, but it is the worst that he has said. So we are jumping on him pretty hard about not using it. We haven't resorted to washing his mouth out with soap, yet. If it continues, that may be a course of action we consider. We'll just skip Lifebuoy.

In addition, he started asking how babies get out of the mommy. (The next door neighbor's child evidently was asking her mom the same thing.) We simply told him that mommy was able to push him out of her body. He has accepted it so far.

Of course there is my sister, who came home from school having learned that she has a 'bad finger', then proceeded to show everyone said finger.

Long Weekend by Russ

2011-09-06T10:44:00.000-04:00

With that long weekend over, it's time to get back to the daily grind. Today's grind is a little different than usual (today's grind, sounds like coffee!), both kids are in school. The house is eerily quiet, with exception of the snore/wheeze of the pooch and the AC running, it's quiet. I'm not used to hearing the ringing in my ears. It's amazing the amount of noise you can get accustomed to.

I should be doing my school work, so at least I acknowledge that I should be doing something other than blogging and reading blogs, but that is as far as it goes for the moment.

On the school front, I aced the first three assignments, so yay me. Now I just have 15 or so more weeks to ace.

I made arguably my best smoked pork butt ever this past weekend, even if it did take several hours longer than usual to do. The biggest downside to that, fewer leftovers.

Mr. B still has his principal (see, got it right this time! only need to mock me once and I'll remember) as his teacher. I have another back to school function tonight. This is going to get old quickly if I have something for his school every other week.

My SIL visited this weekend. Mostly to get her out of her house and staring at a different set of four walls. Her life is in turmoil at the moment and doesn't show signs of improving. I've been sworn to be quiet on it, so that is as far as I can take it. Needless to say, she isn't in a good place. Worst of all, it's a dog that seems to be holding her back from taking matters into her own hands (I told her that there are lots of deserving dogs that would love her, but it has been to no avail). She has to get there on her own.

I'd best do some work while the house is still quiet. Or else the siren song of the Xbox will get too strong.

Back to school night by Russ

2011-08-31T08:17:00.000-04:00

Last night was "Back to School" night. In our exuberance, we walked right by the list telling us which class Mr. B is in. So after walking all the way to the kindergarten wing of the school, we had to do an about face and go back to look up the classroom and teacher.

Under "Vacant" we found Mr. B's name (and another Mr. B as well. Seriously? They are probably the only two kids in the entire school with that name and they are in the same class? Un-freaking-believable. Five kindergarten classes and they couldn't split them up. It's not like Eric or Joe or some other really common name. Damn). The Wife turns to me and says, "That's a different name." "No love," I reply, "he doesn't have a teacher."

It turns out that the principle is filling in for the time being, until the position is filled. I can't say as I'm particularly thrilled about that, but he has a good chance to make an impression on the principle for the first couple of weeks. On the positive side, the principle was a kindergarten teacher before moving to administration. I'm not sure how long ago that was, but he doesn't seem that old so it can't be too long ago.

Once we got to the classroom, we met the principle. He seems like a nice enough guy and certainly portrays that he is happy to be there. Then we got to explore the classroom and play with the smart board. Pretty neat thing, but it will take some getting used to. It make my already difficult to read 'penmenship' and made it illegible. So I have some work to do before I get into the classroom. (Or I could just use PowerPoint for everything!)

One nice thing that we found out, was one of the girls from his preschool class is in his kindergarten class. So he has a friend already. That should make the transition that much easier. Add to that, the neighbor to ride the bus with him and his 'buddy system' is already in place. Dad is rest a little easier. I can't speak to his mother's ability to rest easier, but I'm guessing nothing makes her rest easier about her little boy.

Homework, by Russ

2011-08-30T16:31:00.000-04:00

So I spent the day writing my paper for school. I had forgotten how much I hate writing.

"But wait," you say. "You write a blog, and have done so for the last five or so years," you say.

You would be correct. I write this because I want to. It is a way to work through crap in my head. It is a way to share joys and concerns. Most importantly, I'm not graded on it. (You could argue that the number of readers/commenters is my grade, but this won't cost me a job and if someone doesn't like what I have to say that's fine.)

Damn, and I have a bunch more classes to go. Doing this online means a lot more papers to write. I guess much like when I first started writing online, my prose was horrible (as opposed to the merely lacking that it is now), my graded writing will only improve as well.

Mr. B's first official day of school is tomorrow. He had his assessment last week and was great (as far as the going to and from school, I have no idea how he did in the assessment). To night is the back to school night where we get to meet his teacher (she has yet to be assigned). I hope that they will let us in on the assessment results. Partly because I hope it to be an ego boost (not holding too much of my breath on that) and partly because I want to know what we need to work on with him.

Muddy by Russ

2011-08-29T09:55:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend I ran in the Warrior Dash. It was wild! I'm still finding mud in various places (well, dirt by this point) and muscle aches have only started to relent. Those were not as bad as I was expecting, I was able to move relatively normally yesterday. However, they are not going away very quickly either.

My back is definitely the worst of it. That, I assume, is the result of me executing an obstacle rather poorly. It was a simple pole slide and it was taller than I thought. On the front side it looked to be about eight feet tall. So I climbed up, sat down, and eased off the ledge. While holding on to the pole, I let my body drop. From there I was unable to regulate my speed. I went from stationary to on the ground.

The problem was, I didn't have my feet around the pole. This meant that I landed flat footed and straight legged. I felt every joint in my back crunch. Needless to say it did not feel good, and did nothing to better my time (as I limped off to the next obstacle). Whe I discribed it to Mr. B, he instructed me on how to properly slide down a pole and offered to demonstrate the next time we go to the park. I have a very nice little boy.

The surprise was my shoulders. When I left the race, they felt fine. I wasn't until yesterday that they started to bother me. It shouldn't have surprised me, considering all the obstacles that required upper body strength.

I relearned some important things for next year. Hydration! I about passed out at the first water station (at the half way point) because I wasn't properly hydrated. The whole first half of the race was in the sun and the temp was easily in the 90's. Water would have been a good thing. Stupidity on my part.

Next. Core muscles. Swinging my legs over four foot high walls and hopping in and out of dumpsters requires better core conditioning than I had. Note to self, do a fucking sit up or two before the next race.

Finally, Conditioning. Just because you can do all 5k on a treadmill in the air conditioning don't mean squat. Quite honestly, I knew that already, but I was too nice to my kids and dog when training. I'd always get a few laps in at the track and it always look like more fun to play with the kids as apposed to do more laps. When I was running with the dog, well, she is in worse shape than I am. We'd get about a mile into it and she wouldn't run anymore. She would try to pee on just about anything to get me to stop. Which meant that I could only do a full route on the treadmill at the Y.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go pop some Tylenol. Below are pics of me and my BIL before and after the race.

Started School by russ

2011-08-25T09:38:00.000-04:00

Yep, I started school this week. I'm doing all on line, which is spooking me just a bit. As much as I didn't care for actually going to class, there was something comforting (for lack of a better word) about having a dedicated area for study. Now, it is right on my computer with all of the distractions that it entails.

I got emailed my syllabus and I check the university website for my homework. It seems to be pretty self-directed, for better or worse. Or at least requiring self discipline. Not one of my strong suits. There appears to be no lectures but we do have a forum to have discussions regarding the week's topic.

This week's topic: PowerPoint. It is a good tool.

I have to make a PowerPoint presentation (minimum of five slides) about myself. (Great) And write a paper about why it is a good tool.

As far as I'm concerned PowerPoint sucks. All too often, it is used as a crutch. A lazy man's (or woman's, both genders are at fault here) way to make a presentation. I pride myself on the fact that in the 10 or so years that I was gainfully employed (damn, I've been a SAHD over half as long as I was employed), you could count on one hand the total number of PPT presentations I have made.

Eh, I'll play the game. Feed them what they want to hear, unless they are wrong (the faults with PPT are mostly user errors, it is just a tool and only does what it is instructed).

The Wife said if I add sound effects to the presentation, she will leave me. While I have no desire for her to leave me, that kind of temptation is awfully hard to resist.

Hurri-Quake! by Russ

2011-08-24T09:55:00.000-04:00

Well it is old news by now, but yes we did have a bit of rumble on the east coast yesterday. The kids and I were playing outside at the time. Actually, they were playing, I was reading. They noticed nothing, as per usual with kids (unless you don't want them to notice, then they can't not notice).

I, however, was sitting in my lounge chair. This chair is they type with the metal frame and mesh 'seat' attached to the frame with bungee cord. All of a sudden I started bouncing. I thought it was the kids goofing off at the chair, but they were still fighting over what toys they were going to play with.

Then it happened a second time. Now my mind is racing thanks to too many horror novels that I read. Since it didn't happen again, I could go back to my reading.

A while later, we came inside and I check my email and the news headlines. Low and behold, the earthquake. Sitting in my chair, I had actually been the needle on a seismograph. I was sitting still while the everything around me was shaking. Damn.

This weekend, Irene is supposed to hit the Carolina's. Will it turn north? West? Who the hell knows?

I thought that the we had another 16 months or so before the end of the world.

Electrodes, by Russ

2011-08-23T07:49:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, electrodes were falling off my dad while we were playing golf. No he is not an android, but that would explain his complete lack of emotion (I had written it off to our Teutonic heritage).

I think I had mentioned my father's heart issue, if not/for new readers, here it is. Some two months ago, right in the middle of my sister's birthing of the twins, my father's heart starts to race. Up to 160 bpm then back to normal. Profuse sweating, exhausted, light headed, the whole nine yards. So he goes to the doctor and discovers that he has an atrial flutter.

So for the weeks following, he was in and out of the doctor's office doing stress tests and the like. Finally, they put him under and shocked his heart back into rhythm and put him on some drugs to regulate his heart rate.

The drugs cap his heart rate at 60 bpm. Period. It doesn't matter if he is watching TV, walking up the stairs, or running for his life from a wild bear (hell, it's happened to him once already) his heart can't beat any faster than 60 bpm. This means that what had previously not affected him, now leaves him gasping for air. It's a little unnerving.

So the electrodes this past weekend were a checkup of sorts. Just making sure that his wasn't still fluttering. Although, I'm not sure how it would know since he is still on the meds. Hopefully, dad reapplied the fallen electrodes to the proper places and can get off the meds soon.

Weekend in review, by Russ

2011-08-22T09:03:00.000-04:00

So the weekend is over. Not three days too soon either.

I would say it was one of the less painful weekends, which is not to say that there was no pain. There was less pain because I spent Saturday at UNCC doing my orientation and the normal scurrying about campus getting questions answered, crap purchased, ID made, etc. Which was a pain in and of itself, but I got to hang out with some pretty cool people and make some new contacts. Then when I came home, I had enough time to drink a bourbon and head to my neighbor's house for our monthly dinner club. (And get a bit more than tipsy on margaritas, homemade margaritas not the 'just add rum' variety.)

"So where did the pain come in?" you ask. Well, on Friday afternoon FIL, my dad, and I all played golf (I did so poorly). FIL finished cursing and picked up his ball on the 18th green. My dad picked up on the 16th green when his electrodes started falling off (post for another time). On the positive side, the round was only $40 and included cart, small bucket of ball for driving range, and lunch (not a bad deal considering that normally just the round is $50 and cart is extra).

After the round we came home (wife not home yet, grrrr) and I got to rehydrating so I could get to drinking something stronger without waking up with a raging hangover. The wife came home and I fired up the grill to cook some burgers.

I take the dog for a walk while the kids get hosed off and then I take a shower when I get home. FIL is still in his clothes from golf. On my couch.

Saturday, FIL in same green shirt he wore Friday. Had the decency to change shirt and apply liberal amount of deodorant before joining us at the neighbor's house.

Sunday, FIL in same green shirt he wore on Friday. Had the decency to change shirt (to same shirt he wore the night before) and apply liberal amount of deodorant before going to church.

That green shirt could have walked back to Athens by Sunday. I truly don't think that he showered all weekend. MIL took a bath (yep, grown woman takes a bath. Not for relaxing, but for her daily cleansing, that's a bit weird to me.) and I have only seen one used bath towel in the guest bath. So it is possible that he did bathe, and then shared a towel, but it seems somewhat unlikely.

Febreeze just doesn't seem like enough.

Invasion by Russ

2011-08-18T08:46:00.000-04:00

Prepping the house for the incoming invasion. That's right, it's been all of month or so since I was last inflicted with my out-laws.

Before the last visit, I took stock and figured that, yes they annoy me, but am I making a mountain of a mole hill. So I decided to change my attitude and go in with a positive mindset.

Well no good deed goes unpunished. Could it have been worse? Sure, no one died (of natural or 'other' causes), but there was vast room for improvement. So I'm really looking forward to this visit! And they are arriving early! Mid-morning tomorrow. Is 10am too early to start drinking?

What the hell makes them think that I want to see them for six hours before my wife even comes home? Maybe I can get a round of golf out of it, because it is cutting into my Xbox time.

Other news. Would it be considered irony that IE9 flags the Bing Bar as too slow?

Not happy, by Russ

2011-08-17T08:48:00.000-04:00

I did manage to get school paid for, with minimum hassle at that. So that went well yesterday.

What is not going well for me, is Miss L. She is her same loving self. Always up for some 'nuggles and quick to giggle. But something has changed.

She has been fully potty trained for the summer. Sure she had some accidents from time to time, but they were infrequent and, by and large, an anomaly. Starting Sunday things changed.

I took the kids to a birthday party (The Wife sat this one out, or she stayed home to continue cleaning. However you want to look at it.). Best three year old party ever, beer and wine was served! (To the adults, kids got juice boxes.) And there in the middle of the living room, Miss L stops and squats and pees on the floor.

Thank you, I needed the embarrassment. It has been a while since I have been red faced in someone else's house. Thankfully, they were already serving alcohol.

Then both Monday and Tuesday saw Miss L not make it to the potty two or three times each day. In fact, she was missing more than she was making. One of the instances, she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth standing next to the potty.

What am I to do? Jasper (yes, he is still alive) suggested that I give her a bell or noise maker for her to use when she feels the need to pee arise. Were she just coming out of diapers, I could see the benefit of associating doing something external when the need to pee arises. However, she has been fully potty trained for months now and just is regressing for no discernible reason.

I have put her back into pull ups telling her that they need to stay dry to earn her panties back. I am going so far as to purchase her new panties to be the proverbial carrot.

If you any of you have any suggestions, please let me know.

-Pee Soaked in Charlotte

Time Do Fly by Russ

2011-08-16T09:12:00.000-04:00

What happened to last week?

I didn't have any real excuse to have not written, I guess I was too busy playing with the kids. Which is more important than boring the rest of you all with the minutae of my daily existance.

On the positive side, I finally got registered for a class. What a collossal pain in the heiny that turned out to be. I almost got to the point of explaining to them that I was 37 years old and not some wet behind the ears, happy to be there, 17 year old. I was interested in being a student.

Thankfully, after coming full circle, the very first guy I talked to finally gave me the secret handshake to register for classes. Why he didn't do it initially, I can't say. Why these people can't return a phone call, I can't say either.

Next up, paying for the class. That HAS to be easier. Right?

Don't bet on it.

In other news. I killed another squirrel. Or, at least, I think I did. All I know for sure, is that I broke the little bastard's back. I was unable to get a second shot off due to the fact that it would have been faster to reload a colonial era musket than my pump airgun. So I set Nala on the poor beast.

Wouldn't you know, the little bastard scurried across my backyard and up a tree using only its 'arms'. I was impressed to a point. Mostly, I felt bad. While I hate those things with the fire of a thousand suns, I don't want anything to suffer. Dollars to donuts, the bugger wasn't in a hammock drinking a pina colada when it died. (Assuming it died.)

Tax Free Weekend by Russ

2011-08-09T09:19:00.000-04:00

The Wife and I took the kids back to school shopping last weekend. This was my first true back to school shopping that I have done since I was last in school.

I don't remember having a list of items that I needed to supply. Certainly not a list for kindergarten. All told, we spent $85 just on supplies just for Mr. B. Miss L cost considerably less, just a backpack and lunchbox. Memory serving, we'll get nickled and dimed by the preschool for her.

I always recalled the big purchases for fall was the new clothes, which we have yet to do for the kids. I know full well that Mr. B is in dire need of new pants, and since I'm a betting man, he will need new long sleeve shirts while we're at it.

Miss L, on the other hand, is quite the clothes horse. Not that we buy her much, we just get it from a friend whose daughter outgrows them. (We trade with Mr. B's old clothes for their son.)

I have my own issues with back to school. None of them are supply oriented, however. All of mine are registering issues. The week before going to the beach, I left messages for darn near everyone that I needed to speak. Over the week, nary one person called me back. Neither at my home nor cell, I left both in hopes that I could field a call while away.

No such luck. So as I finish writing this, I'll be going back to the phones and trying to track down someone who will tell me the secret handshake to register for a class. I did not miss this shit.

End of Days? by Russ

2011-08-08T17:22:00.000-04:00

Is this a sign of the coming Armageddon? Folks, we are four hours to the nearest ocean! (Three if you really book it and the cops are snoozing.)

Beach by Russ

2011-08-08T09:19:00.000-04:00

Did you miss me? No? Well, I'll try harder to be missed next time.

We just returned from our annual trip to Charleston. I was going to bellyache about my sister always managing to disappear to pump whenever there was something that needed to happen. Or how she only once helped with all the children (she made breakfast, e.g. put some peanut butter on bagels for the kids). Or that she never cleaned up anything that wasn't baby related, or took out the trash, or anything that wasn't specifically mandated that she, or her husband, do. Which is to say, they cooked dinner twice (really, he cooked and cleaned twice). But then I saw the last post that I did was also bitching about dear ol' sis, so I decided to change the topic.

(Damn, if The Wife and I traded sisters, I would never go to visit the outlaws. It would be too painful, but would supply plenty of blog posts.)

The first day at the beach started off with a bang. Or a painful zap more accurately. I was posted deep to ensure that the boys didn't get too brave and wade out where they could get above their heads or knocked over by a large way. Most of us took turns out there (you don't need any hints who didn't!). So I'm bobbing out there minding my own business, occasionally looking for dolphins or at the boats as they pass, when it felt like I got hit with a hickory switch across my upper back.

Jellyfish. After stifling several choice words, I wade out of the water and alert all to the presence of jellies. My father offered up the boys to pee on my back (urine being a folk remedy to ease the sting) and I had to shoo away two excited little boys. I decided the temporary easing of the sting, verses the yearly ribbing I would get made it not worth it.

Miss L came to daddy's aid. She washed my sting (with sea water) and scrubbed it with sand until we went home. I'm not sure it did much good, but she was cute doing it.

All the while, my sister and BIL sat in the tent with their seven week olds. Who brings seven week olds to the beach? One of whom has spent half of his post birth life in the NICU.

Sister by Russ

2011-07-26T09:45:00.000-04:00

For some reason I didn't tell my sister to "stick it in her ear", when she invited herself (and SIL and three children) over for dinner last night. Am I that big of a push over? (Short answer, yes.)

So I invited over my parents so I would have a little bit of a buffer. At least that part worked well. Only if the weather cooperated. We haven't had rain in weeks, and around 4pm the skies clouded up and the deluge began.

That meant that I couldn't tell the kids to go outside to play (the thunder and lightning was the real decision maker on that front) and I could not cook on the grill. Pizza was on the menu. (Side note, when you haven't been eating much grain at all for quite some time and then knock back four slices. The stomache does not appreciate it.) So now I have a 550F oven in the house full of people and an AC unit coming to its knees.

Just as I was getting started the Cat (aka Damien) was running about the house and up and down the stairs. Somewhere along there, he lost his gum. He's four, who gives a four year old gum? Am I out of the loop on that? It just strikes me as a bad idea to give gum to someone who runs like they are on the verge of falling. (I know, let's put something in your mouth!)

On top of that, sis said that she and BIL are going to a child therapist/psychologist to discuss how to handle their oldest child. (Past time if you ask me, but you didn't.) I have a novel idea for them. Pay attension to him. Yes, the newborns will require your attension, but at this phase, they sleep most of the time. So, when they are sleeping, play with the little bastard! Don't tell him to go play in the playroom while you read 'twilight' for the umteenth time (I've only been able to read a couple of books more than once, and they are Watership Down, Atlas Shrugged, and Shogun). But that is just me.

Instead, she just stares at the twins and makes baby talk at them while they sleep. Is it any wonder that Cat is striving for attension.

The sister's parting shot, inviting herself over to the parent's house, then announcing, "If I don't invite myself, I never get invited." Mmmm, there might be a reason for that. Again, that is just me.

Back to "Normal" by Russ

2011-07-25T09:16:00.000-04:00

The house is finally put back together. Sure lots of seems are still visable, I mean there is only so much that drywall tape and mud can fix, but at least the pipes are not exposed and the half bath downstairs is fully operational.

Interesting new quirk. The cold water line is now above the slab, not below, so with the southern summer/heat wave the cold water is hotter than the hot water. At least initially it is, until the line gets flushed, then things are back to normal.

Speaking of the new cold water line, I'm not all the way done yet. I still need to insulate and cover the exposed line. I'm looking for some sort of soffit to make it less obvious than a blue pipe snaking along the wall. My first thought was some sort of cord cover, but I haven't found anything that would cover the half inch pipe. I'll keep searching, the internet is a wonderful tool.

All done but the crying, by Russ

2011-07-18T13:16:00.000-04:00

So I had written a post about the woes of the past week and change. It was a little too incoherent, even by my standards, so I decided to drop it and rewrite.

When last we met, the plumber had discovered a second hole in the pipe and had capped it off. Then we were then going to let the hole dry out for a couple of days.

The plumber was due to show up on Wednesday afternoon. So I let the kids play for a little while at the pool before heading home. Only to have no one show up.

I call him and he is appologetic, saying he forgot my number (lost it really). That annoyed me a bit. So he said he would be here first thing the next day. I told him that the kids have swim lessons and to make it 10am instead.

He shows at 1pm.

He works for a while, then it is time to test the lines again. It didn't take long to hear the words I have learned to dread, "Not again".

It seems that there was a third pin hole leak in the pipe. At this point we had to reevaluate how we are going to attack the issue. The leak was under my living room and I really didn't want to tear up the carpet or hard wood (depending on where the pipe went).

We decided on a new tact and he headed out for the day to pick up the needed parts and to return first thing.

First thing is the crack of nine evidently. (It might have been later, I don't really remember.)

We ended up running a new pipe to the bathroom. Having it in the ceiling was proving to be too time consuming, so the new piping is exposed. (We will be consealing it shortly, but for the moment it is available for all to see.)

The Wife and I were talking last night. We came to the conclusion that we could have paid for a year of my schooling or paid off her student loans with the money that we spent on plumbing just this year. Other things we 'discovered': should we build a house, it will have a basement or a crawlspace (a large crawl space at that) and we desparately need a vacation (that we cannot afford).

Weirdness by Russ

2011-07-15T11:03:00.000-04:00

In the spring, the boy and I planted some veggies. We have thinned them and made snacks of them through out the late spring and early summer.

Finally one of the his "different colored carrots" appeared to be ready to be pulled. (They would be heirloom carrots to you and me.) So I pulled it. It didn't look like any carrot I have every seen. But then, I don't do anything the easy or normal way, so why start now.

Say hello to Carroty (Mr. B's name for it). I call it lunch!

Hello Lunch!

Grunt, by Russ

2011-07-11T07:58:00.000-04:00

It's really kind of sad when you are glad that it is Monday. Glad that the clusterfrak of a weekend is over. A weekend that included our anniversary. That was the highpoint, not that is saying much.

As noted before, we discovered a water pipe in the house. We just had no idea where it was and I don't like paying someone to do exploritory surgery under the slab of my house.

They, the plumber and his helper, started in the garage in an effort to be as minimally destructive as possible. It seemed like a good place, there was a lot of evidence that the leak was nearby, the sound of water hissing was quite clear and we could see water on the foundation (not just it being damp).

Evidently, that was just the path of least resistance for the water. The plumber only found a lot of wet Carolina Clay.

Since they found only evidence, but no leak, we had to move inside. That meant jackhammering in the house. Which also meant that sending the kids upstairs for their nap time was a huge joke. So no nap/quiet time today.

Fast forward an hour or two and they have a hole in the bathroom where the vanity used to be. They found a leak. Capped it and I went to turn the water back on and check to see if the meter was still running.

Thank goodness, the meter was not moving! We could get on with our lives. After we put the house back together of course. I go back into the house to annouce their success and I see them huddled about the hole in the bathroom making not good sounds.

Apparently, there was a second leak! It was too far back to get at it from the hole in its current size. It was also nearly six pm on Friday. And The Wife's and my anniversay (which had already been pretty well shot) and the plumber's wife's birthday. So he was interested in going and we were interested in him leaving (just to get him off the clock, he seems like a perfectly nice guy).

So the next morning, the plumber's help showed up and dug out the hole a little more and found the leak. Then the plumber showed up and did some more plumbing stuff. Not all of the water was out of the line, so the solder wouldn't melt. Then he ran out of propane for his torch. The comedy of error continued.

By the by it got capped off and no more leaks were found. Currently we are letting everything dry out so we can a) make sure there are no more leaks and b) fix the hole properly. In the mean time, I have no commodes on the first floor and I have a gaping hole where the vanity once was. But the leak is done.

What to write about? by Russ

2011-07-08T11:12:00.000-04:00

Well, I could bore you about the squirrels returning! I heard them yesterday at 0600, waking me up. I sprayed the attic with squirrel repellant. In retalliation, they woke me this morning at 0530. Dammit. So I will once again bait the trap and take up my pellet gun and sit in my sniper's perch.

I could go on about my indoor water feature (under the slap! this should be fun), but I really don't know what else to say about it. (Let's buy a house! Shoot me.)

Role reversal sounds much more fun.

A while back, there was a story in the news about a mom and son painting their nails. I don't remember, nor do I really care, if it was over the color (pink) or the simple fact of a boy painting his nails. Needless to say, we don't have that problem in this house. The Wife doesn't paint her nails.

We do have 'boy' toys and 'girl' toys. Which is to say, cars, dinosaurs, pirates, etc and we have My Little Ponies, princesses, dolls, etc. Every once in a while, it seems like they totally switch toys.

Most recently, Miss L was having a knock-down, drag-out dino brawl that would have impressed any five or six year old boy. (Hey, this is one cool chick!) In the mean time, Mr. B was playing house with the My Little Ponies, with mommy ponies, daddy ponies, and child ponies. It was highly amusing.

Very shortly after they reasserted 'normal' gender roles. Mr. B went back to smashing cars and Miss L was playing with her Fairies. In a house where the mom works and the dad stays home, I guess we are all about busting social norms.

Water, water, everywhere... by Russ

2011-07-06T08:53:00.000-04:00

And a whopper of a water bill.

You remember Christmas? The toilet backed up into the house and we discovered that the sanitary line was clogged. Well, the hits just keep coming.

To recap (some of these happend before I started posting, so they would be new to you) the issues with the house: Water pipe burst (1) in the middle of the front yard (this created a nice water feature in our yard, it shot a good three feet into the air.), roof leak necessitating a new roof, water pipe burst (2) at the meter so we weren't out money for that one, a/c died, furnace died (separate occations), a/c is not in a good place now, and finally pipe burst (3) again.

I'm sure there are more, but I can't remember them.

What's bothering me about this one? (Other than the obvious, that it is there at all.) Well, I had trouble finding it. There were no fountains, or even green spots in the yard. Then I shut off the water in the house and the meter stopped spinning. That means the leak is in the house. Where? The Wife and I search the house looking for any kind of moisture that doesn't belong or can't be accounted for (spilled juice, pee, over exhuberant cleaning). Nothing.

Then The Wife says that there is a black line out in the garage. She shows it to me. It was wet. So we found it. The leak is under or near the downstair powder room. If I put my ear to the wall, I can hear the spray. That sounds expensive.

Now, I am shutting the water off whenever we aren't home/are asleep until we can get it fixed (hopefully tonight/tomorrow morning). This sucks.

So, last Christmas The Wife and I bought each other a new commode and clean sewer lines. For our anniversary this year, we will be fixing our pipes.

Happy 4th by Russ

2011-07-05T08:23:00.000-04:00

I trust all of you had a nice long weekend. It certainly was around here. The kids were not too whiny, and actually played well together. The Wife did arts and crafts with them, while I took the pooch on short walks (I wanted long walks, but there is no way she would have lasted).

Heck, I even did some arts and crafts with the kids. We made silicone molds of a couple of their toys. (A My Little Pony for Miss L and Lightning McQueen for the boy.) Both of them turned out remarkably well. The only issue was that I tore the pony mold when removing the toy. It still held chocolate when the time came.

Mr. B ripped his mold trying to see inside of it. Fortunately, that was after I had filled it with chocolate. That will teach me to leave things where he can get at them (which is becoming harder and harder to do, btw).

So after coughing up $20, I have a half of a bag of Ghirardelli chips and two ripped molds. Each used once. Not good bang for my buck. The kids had fun, and that is all that matters.

I also tried my hand at beef brisket on the grill. I won't call it 'Texas Brisket' in deference to those who actually know what they are doing with that cut of meat.

I was amazed at how quickly it cooked at a low temperature. This, of course, having to do with it being a big, yet relatively thin piece of meat. (The pork butt being much thicker and having a bone in it, slows the cooking process down.) For a first go at it, it was good. Scarily, better than some brisket I 've had in bbq joints. That is not to say I am satisfied.

I'm torn on whether I should try it again. Pushing me to do it again is that I know I can do it better. Stopping me is that I can't see how it will be better, or even as good as, my bbq pork.

Locker Room Antics by Russ

2011-06-30T09:14:00.000-04:00

I think I have mentioned it in the past, that we joined the Y for the summer. The idea being that I would have somewhere to go with the kids when the temps start climbing. Well, we have been going and there has been much whining and gnashing of teeth by my children. Then more whining and gnashing of teeth when it is time to leave. (I just can't win.)

The routine is, we get there and I drop the kids off in the kids watch area and go workout for an hour or so. Then I release the kids and we go to the pool so they can play and I can sit in the shade. The routine works and we do it three or four times a week (usually closer to the three).

Miss L is at that age where she does or says things that are funny/inappropriate. Some examples from the last two visits: When we were changing to go to the pool in family locker room, she looked at me and announced, "Daddy, you have a hairy bom-bom!" (bom-bom = bottom) I think that statement echoed in the locker room for a good ten seconds.

The next visit, she and Mr. B were already in their swim suits, and I was just getting changed. I bent over to put on my swim shorts and Miss L walked up behind me, squeezed my ass and yelled out "HONK!"

What am I going to do with her! Where is my prim and proper little girl? The next thing that will happen is she will be snapping wet towels at me.

Admissions by Russ

2011-06-29T09:04:00.000-04:00

I didn't do it! No one saw me! You can't prove anything!

Thankfully, I did nothing wrong. This is college admissions (Grad school technically). A while back, not too long ago, I finally finished my application to grad school and submitted it.

Yesterday I get an email from the university stating that "a decision has been made". Well, great. What was the decision? Why won't you tell me? Is it because it is bad? Cripes, it's like I am back in high school again. There was a little less anxiety this go, as I already had a 'safe school', but like all safe schools, I didn't want to go to it. (Although I'm sure it is just fine.)

Well, low and behold, I log on to my account and check my status. There was a link to my application status. I clicked it and...

I'm going to school in the fall. (Not sure if I should be happy or not. It is what I wanted, but it's still school.) So depending on course load and demands for the courses, come fall my blogging may take a serious hit.

For those who are interested, I'm going to UNCC, and I think I actually have a reader who is a student there now.

Weekend in Hell, by Russ

2011-06-27T09:27:00.000-04:00

I never (alright, I'll hedge my bets and say almost never) look forward to going to Athens. With the knowledge that they were just coming off illnesses, the Wife would be working all weekend, and she would subsequently be out of town this week, I was a little less enthusiastic than usual. I steeled myself with the realization that the past couple of visits were not as bad as I was fearing, so I must have been making mountains of mole hills.

Reality has a way kicking you in the shins when you let your guard down.

The first night SIL was there and that helped some, but the out-laws almost immediately assumed the 'rile up the kids' position and didn't stop.

MIL talked, nonstop, the whole weekend. For some reason, she feel it necessary to narrate what she is doing, what the kids are doing, whatever is on the TV, or whatever pops into her head. I was trying to be antisocial, without actually being antisocial, you know, reading, and she still felt obligated to tell me all about the catalogue she just received in that day's mail.

On the best of days, I don't care about catalogs (Victoria's Secret catalogue excepted), when it is the kind that has pillows with pithy sayings, not so much. Oh and she got TWO Southern Livings magazines. Oh, well, not really two, just two months worth. Why didn't she get the previous month's earlier? (Just fucking shoot me already!) On and on and on... And FIL well, he was being nice to her and going to the basement to watch baseball and not bother her. (Do you think it was to get away from your incessant yammering?! I do!)

Speaking of FIL...

A herd of cattle make less noise chewing than he does. It is revolting. I don't want to hear it, I don't want to see it, and now the kids will be mimicking him. Grrr.

So I chide the kids for chewing with their mouth open. Does he pick up on it? NO! He keeps on slapping his gums. Then MIL chimes in with how they saw a 20 something girl in the airport chewing with her mouth open. And she had a boyfriend! Why didn't he correct her? The Wife's eyes bugged and she cocked her head toward her father. (Suddenly, a low flying plane swooped overhead.) She never got it. Nor did he for that matter.

We went out to dinner one night to a sports bar-ish type place. Plenty of TV's all playing sports, but at dinner time, it was more restaurant than bar. While there, one of the TV's had a commercial for the Hooter's calendar shoot show that was coming up next. He felt obligated to announce it to the table.

Now, I'm no prude. I like the female form as much as the next guy, but announcing it to the table with a)my Wife, b) my daughter, and c) my mother just doesn't rank up there with the most intelligent things I could have done at the moment. (You could throw in granddaughter too since Miss L was there, and setting a poor example for his grandson to boot.)

When it was time to leave, they wanted to schedule their next visit for three weeks later. Fuck no. I don't know if anything was agreed to or not, but it can't be pushed too far out after this weekend.

Obligatory Post, by Jasper

2011-06-24T10:44:00.002-04:00

I am posting today because I feel I must. I haven't written anything of merit all week and Russ didn't do anything Wednesday or Thursday. I presume that he assumed that I would come up with something. Alas, I did not...yet.

I seem to be in a funk, a summer time funk. I need to sort through the mess here and get my head back in the game. Perhaps this weekend I can get my thoughts together.

In the meantime, for your entertainment purposes check out this article. I can't decide if I want to follow in love with the idea, or sit in the corner while sucking my thumb because it is so disturbing. If you can't decide, try this.

Let me know how this makes concept makes you feel.

Have a great weekend!

Security! by Russ

2011-06-21T07:42:00.000-04:00

As I bulleted yesterday, Mr. B is doing Vacation Bible School this week and Monday was his first day.

Drop off went OK. We were greeted by a high energy teenager asking, with great exuberance, if we had seen any of the saints. (There were folks dressed up like the saints, kind of like some Church theme park.) This scared the ever-living crap out of the kids. Miss L bolted behind my legs, while Mr. B inched closer to me. I explained that he was a touch shy and moved on.

I dropped Mr. B off with some, I think, 16 year old. Then I reminded her that I needed the I.D. to be able to pick him up. It was a colored slip of paper with his name on it. Not exactly what I had in mind, but it beat nothing at all.

Pick up was less organized. I walk into the all purpose area and the din was deafening. The older, read adult, group leaders had their heads on swivels, but the younger leaders just looked overwhelmed. No one was at the door verifying that I should be there. I had to seek out the group leader to turn in my slip of paper. Then no one watched me leave.

I don't want to come off as one of those whack job parents, but this is my child we are talking about, and this didn't sit well. So last night, after talking it over with the Wife, I fired off an email to the director expressing, nicely, my concerns and a couple of simple steps that can be taken to remedy the issue raised. (I hate it when people complain about something, but then don't offer a solution. Just a pet peeve.)

I have yet to hear back from the director, not that I expected to this morning, but I hope she will respond and/or implement my solution to the security issue raised. I would accept the 'or' if I don't get the 'and'.

Updates by Russ

2011-06-20T08:24:00.000-04:00

I don't really have time for a full on post today, so I will just do some bullets:

Thing 2 is still in the hospital. He had surgery on Friday to repair something in his throat. He is doing well.
Thing 1 and my sister are home from the hospital. The Cat (formerly Damien, although he still acts like his namesake), evidently thinks that Thing 1 is a play toy. Not good.
Father's Day was good. My gift was that I didn't have to go to a 3 1/2 year olds birthday party at Monkey Joe's (the twins birthday is a couple of days after Christmas, so their mom celebrates the birthday on their half birthday).
I used my time to myself wisely. I spent it cooking a couple racks of ribs that I picked up at the farmer's market. They weren't as good a the last ones I bought at the farmer's market, but still worlds better than what you find at the grocery store. (I got some brisket for later too...)
Mr. B starts Vacation Bible School in like 20 minutes. I should probably stop yapping here and get a move on.
At least I didn't have Jasper's weekend. He'll tell you all about it later.

That's about it.

Tangerine Tree of Life, by Jasper

2011-06-16T08:36:00.012-04:00

For much of the life of the blog, I have been irregular at best. Often times I would disappear for weeks or months at a time, caught up in Mockingbard Mayhem, only to return wondering if I can try again to maintain or sustain. Obviously, my success rate is nil.

My intentions are to passionately pursue writing so that someday I can earn more money than my sweet wife, Sydney. Yet, while I have intentions, I lack the discipline to follow through on my goal. So, it remains a dream.

This has been apparently the case for much of my existence. Success only comes when it is something that I really want. For example, consider when it was determined that I had to go back to work. The job was something that I (we) really wanted to happen. In short time, I accomplished my most important task for the client, though a certain level of personal gratification was achieved. Soon afterwards I was laid off. As with previous states of redundancy, I thrust myself into indifference once again.

Though the situation described above covers a significant life event, I have found parallels in the mundane.

As you undoubtedly learned from following the links I included (which you clicked because you were really, really curious, and then pleasantly surprised to learn that Jasper has written good stuff in the past), that particular life event sent my world into another state of flux.

Anyway, let me move away from the "Jasper's world has changed... again" saga.

My dear Mother decided to celebrate this significant life event (no, I will not tell you directly- read the laid off story) by giving us a tangerine tree. Her father used to have tangerine trees in his yard. As a child, Mother enjoyed picking fresh fruit. To honor that memory, as well as honor our recent success, she purchased a tangerine tree for us.

It was my job to plant it. This was a relatively easy task, and it was my intention to complete it quickly. There's that word again... intention. Curses!

Weeks passed. The tangerine sapling remained in its pot. "I'll get to it," was uttered regularly. The occasional afternoon rain shower quenched its thirst through the summer. The tree was healthy and content.

Fall had come and gone, our gift had not been planted. Old leaves fell. New leaves sprouted. The tree remained in good health, but was growing impatient.

Soon a "bitter" winter enveloped Florida. The tangerine tree could not defend itself from freezing temperatures. Trunk and branches turned brown. Leaves died and fell. The tree had met its end.

Or so we thought.

Little did we know, the tangerine tree had the soul of a mighty oak. As spring approached, the tiny sapling was returning to life. The green of the trunk and branches was returning. Leaves were sprouting. Tangerine had risen!

Ten months had been long enough! It was time to plant!

And then it was time to procrastinate again. The tree was in good condition and flourishing. It would be fine. "I'll get to it," was the tune again.

However, there was a new chorus, "Your parents are coming soon." Oh. Worry set in, mildly.

It was a month before their scheduled arrival. The tangerine tree was still in the pot and looking peaked. Uh-oh. Panic. The tree must be planted.

Nothing happened. I (we) were busy. Too busy to plant a tree apparently. Dumb.

Then it happened. Within a week, the tangerine tree went from blossoming to stone dead.

I had taunted it with promises of planting. It had held onto hope. I had failed. The tangerine tree gave until it could give no more. Sydney and I stared hopelessly at the tangerine tree. Tears streamed from our faces. Not even the dramatic falling teardrop onto the browned branch could bring it back to life.

Sigh. Procrastination brought death. I think it was the first for me.

What would we tell my Mother?

That's easy. A lie. Nothing elaborate.

The story would tell itself: Yes, we procrastinated planting the tree (they would ask about it from time to time; I think they last asked in the spring). I finally planted, but it had been too late. The tree must have been on the brink of death, so it didn't last long. Poor tree. I was able to replace it easily.

On Sunday, Sydney and I did replace the tree. We bought a slightly older tree, one that is already bearing fruit. I had intended on planting it on Monday. That didn't happen. So I planted it yesterday. Hurray!

Indifference had been overcome, with a little push of the panic induced by the impending arrival of the parents. Nevertheless, I deem it a success. The tangerine tree was placed in the ground before indifference (or death) could take its grip.

Mother or Father should be here in 5 hours. They will ask about the tree within 12 hours of their arrival. I am certain of it. The lie will flow from my lips without hesitation. Mother will be annoyed and express her ire at my procrastination. I suspect her mood will change once she sees the fruit.

Perhaps this should be a lesson for me: Indifference leads to death.

Maybe I'll learn from it. I don't know. Who cares?

Tangerine, Tangerine
Living reflection from a dream
Procrastination was my queen
And now a thousand years between.

Tough Weekend by Russ

2011-06-15T09:03:00.000-04:00

Welcome back Jasper! It's been a long time coming, and maybe we can work on some of our other ideas during the summer months. We'll talk later.

Anywho.

My sister's brood increased drastically over the weekend. She gave birth about four weeks early, which for twins isn't too bad I guess, because she we in distress. The girl had a laundry list is issues regarding the pregnancy: sharp pains in the abdomen, gestational diabetes, and preeclampsia are the ones that stick with me, I'm sure there were more.

Thing 1 (as they are twins, fraternal thankfully) is right as rain and went home with his mother yesterday (she delivered by c-section). Thing 2 is less so.

Evidently, his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. I'm not sure if that impeded his development, but he had some issues. He has been in the NICU from birth, needing assistance breathing, unable to eat, and erratic heart rhythm. Needless to say, my sister has not been in a good place.

He is still in the NICU, but has been improving over the past 24 to 36 hours. After a brief period of difficulty (I wasn't given full details, suffice it to say it was touch and go for a while), he is eating on his own, breathing on his own, and being weened from his incubator. Hopefully, he will be able to come home soon.

Damien, or Cat as I will start to call him, has been remarkably good during the whole ordeal. He was a pain in the ass Friday night, but that was before he really knew that something was going on. After that, he has been good, if confused. He has seen Thing 1, but I don't think he has seen Thing 2 yet.

So after a weekend of seeing he grandparents and cousins a lot more than usual, he is home with, most of, his family. I'm hoping he adjusts well. That's all I'll say of that.

As if that wasn't enough, my father refused to be admitted to the hospital.

It would seem that he was breaking out in cold sweats and have a racing heart rate for no reason. His heart rate was so fast that the nurse looked at him as said she couldn't count that fast. After hooking him up to an EKG during an episode, it was north of 160 bpm. Not good.

So after decline the doctor's advice and not going to the hospital, he did acquiesce to wearing a heart monitor. Pick your battles, doc. He is going back to the doctor today for a recheck.

If my posting is spotty for the next little bit, that is why. Hopefully the newly reminted Jasper will pickup my slack.

Welcome Back? by Jasper

2011-06-14T11:03:00.004-04:00

Well, I can't say that I was expecting a great deal of fanfare upon my return after a lengthy absence, but a guy can dream, right?

Accordingly, blog traffic was way down yesterday. I attribute it to being a Monday and the start of vacation season for many.

That's all well and good. Any regular followers who track the blog through Google Reader would be able to catch-up on some light reading when it better suited their busy schedule.

But wait a minute. Google Reader would actually have to work for the that happen. And wouldn't you know it... My first post in 10 months was published yesterday morning and it still hasn't appeared in my Reader. I presume that it hasn't appeared in yours either.

This would certainly explain the lack of response to my return. With the convenience of reading the blog without visiting the site, nobody knows that I have returned from the dead.

It figures. Sydney (the wife) only just realized I was still alive. I only appeared to have become a shell of a man. The Inner-Jasper was simply helpless, some by choice, some by circumstance.

My belief is that people don't yet know that I have resurfaced. When they (you) have realized it, there will be a massive celebration around the world in my honor.

Unfortunately, it is more likely that no one cares. Hell, even Russ barely had anything to say about it. He was so careless, that he double posted his "Hey! Who are you!" commented. Fargin bastage.

Perhaps today will be a better day with another attempt to gain your attention. Or maybe, I'll have to compose some mindless musing of minutiae before I am acknowledged. And believe me, 10 months is a long time to build-up an ample supply of nothing to share you dear readers.

Whatever the case, know that I will be imagining my own welcome back party.

Update: Here's some shocking news! This post appeared in Google Reader instantaneously!